Silvia Toma has a scar on her soul: Four years ago she buried her 34-year-old only son, who had two little daughters. “It was sudden leukemia. He was admitted on May 25, 2021, and died on June 3,” she said, still choked up by the pain.

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At that time, the COVID-19 pandemic regulations allowed no visitors. Safety measures prevented her from caressing his hand in his slow agony.

“They never let us visit him. He was hospitalized in the coronary care unit completely alone,” she recalled. They could only communicate minimally through WhatsApp messages.

Praying the Divine Mercy Chaplet at his side

The day before he died, they let her in to see him. “His wife spent 15 minutes with him and I for another 15. I took the opportunity to pray the Divine Mercy Chaplet with him.” The doctors then asked them to leave the room and a few hours later asked them to return to the clinic.

“When we arrived, they told us he had suffered three cardiac arrests. He had survived two, and he hadn’t survived the third,” Toma explained, her eyes welling with tears but with a big, maternal smile that communicated she would be all right. 

Holding on to faith is the only thing that kept her going in the most difficult moments. “We are not prepared to lose a son, but I am extremely grateful for the faith,” said Toma, who, the day after her son was hospitalized, knelt before the tabernacle in her parish church, St. John the Baptist, in the Diocese of Avellaneda Lanús, Buenos Aires province.

Once before the Blessed Sacrament, “I told him that he already knew what was in my heart, but that his will be done. And his will was for my son to be with him.”

Toma still doesn’t understand God’s reasons, but she’s not seeking answers either. On Sept. 15, she participated in the Jubilee of Consolation in Rome and testified that death doesn’t have the last word.

“I often break down and cry, but, thank God, never once did I utter a word of reproach. I believe he must know why, and one day I will understand,” she added.

She said that going through this soul-searing pain, for which there isn’t even a word to define it in the dictionary, “has been like sharing a little bit in what the Virgin Mary felt at the foot of the cross.”

“I ask her to always hold him close and kiss him for me,” she said.

Pope Francis prayed for her

Toma is divorced but maintains a good relationship with her ex-husband, who is a Jehovah’s Witness. Her son had received all the sacraments — baptism, Communion, confirmation — but in his adolescence, “he turned to Jehovah’s Witnesses,” she said.

“He even signed the document expressing his refusal to receive a blood transfusion, as required by that religious denomination,” she explained.

In 2019, she was able to share the suffering her son’s actions caused her with Pope Francis, whom she greeted after a general audience. “When he finished listening to me, he told me he would pray for Gabriel’s return to the Catholic Church,” she related.

And little by little, this began to take shape. For Toma, there is no doubt that it was a small gift the Argentine pontiff gave her.

“I believe God worked in him,” she said. “Before he died, he spoke with the priest from our parish, something he hadn’t done in a long time. They texted each other on WhatsApp, they chatted. I believe his heart was opening again,” she added.

The situation became critical when he was admitted. “On the last day, the doctor told us that if they didn’t give him the transfusion, he would die. He was conscious. His wife, a Jehovah’s Witness, said, ‘I can’t sign.’ Then they asked me. I entered the room, looked him in the eyes, and asked him if he really wanted the transfusion, because I couldn’t override his personal decision either. He said yes.”

At that moment, mother and son signed the consent form together: “As I was signing, he touched his head and said to the doctor, ‘The thing is, my mother is a catechist.’”

For this mother, that decision, although it didn’t save her son’s life, signified an inner reconciliation. “I believe God gave him the opportunity to return to him at the most important moment,” Toma said. For her, this final gesture was also a true consolation.

This story was first published by ACI Prensa, CNA’s Spanish-language news partner. It has been translated and adapted by CNA.